Yoga and “Self-Care” can be superficially stereotyped as an indulgent lifestyle for white women in LuluLemon pants. But as an Art of Living teacher, I have taught this program to people of different genders and all walks of life. I have seen how this program improved the quality of life for many women from all racial backgrounds, whether they are women recovering from abuse, women struggling with mental health, single mothers struggling to keep their families together, or women with partners trying to do the same. From where I stood, self care did not seem like an indulgence for these women, it seemed urgent.
Women in general are conditioned to take care of others before themselves. But just as the oxygen-mask-on-the-plane analogy has taught us, before we take care of others we must take care of ourselves. We cannot be good to other people if our health is declining. We cannot be good to other people if stress and anxiety are with us constantly. If we have a partner or children or a career the same applies, we cannot be good to them if we are not healthy emotionally and physically.
If we are lucky enough to have already thought that self-care might be important, and not a total indulgence, we have a tendency to postpone it. We say, “I will think about me when x, y, and z are done.” I remember getting an email from my sister when she had young children at home telling me that her husband was out golfing, that her daughter was doing well in swimming, her son was excelling at school, and she was hoping to one day get a haircut. My sister had financial resources, she had the option of staying home with her children, but she still couldn’t squeeze in a haircut, or be alone in the bathroom. Everyone around her came first, and taking care of herself was last on the list.
I am basically in the field of self-care, and I can also get trapped in this kind of thinking. I can also improve in my self-care. I already have the best tools–Sudarshan Kriya yoga and meditation are the best gifts I give myself everyday. But it also means watching the balance between energy going out, and energy coming in. Going to bed and not watching another Netflix episode. Prioritizing nurturing relationships, and sticking to healthy routines around food, spiritual practices and exercise. And doing it all from a place of love and care, not a rigid sense of discipline.
And yes, if you have been conditioned to put yourself last, wouldn’t putting yourself first feel indulgent? And maybe that is exactly why we need to make it a priority.